Am I John Quick?

I don’t know, you find out!

But seriously, this was an editorial in my local paper:

This may or may have not been my reply:

I was absolutely mystified by Christine Powell’s letter entitled “It’s time for the government to make some difficult decisions.” In this article she suggested that as a country we are falling short because we are not considering sterilizing citizens with mental and physical disabilities. She mentions that during the era of Ellis Island we turned away immigrants with disabilities so that our nation would continue to thrive as it wouldn’t be burdened to take care of these second-class human beings. I couldn’t agree more! My only problem with this modest proposal is it simply doesn’t go far enough.

You see, it seems Christine is only willing to sterilize Americans who have collected welfare or disability all of their life. This is a good start, but as a well-educated citizen I understand that the people who drain our system the most are those who only temporarily collect government assistance. You see, when someone breaks their leg or develops a disease such as cancer they can no longer work and often fall under many government programs. During the time they are disabled they are sucking our pockets dry, taking full advantage of the system. Why couldn’t these people pay for treatment themselves? In 2004 I received a very serious splinter that pulled me from my work for an entire hour! The grievous injury sent me to the ER where the doctors treated my possibly life threatening wound. When I received the bill in the mail I paid for everything out of pocket. I didn’t accept government help despite how life-altering my situation was, so why should I be expected to pay out of pocket for these lazy, selfish leeches? Is it too much to ask for Americans to put aside a “rainy day” fund?

Unfortunately, the burden on our pockets will only get worse. Not only is the treatment cost for cancer and other illnesses going up, but so are the survival rates. In the past these people would just fade away but now that they are surviving they are passing their deformed, poison genetics down to their children. So not only do we have to pay for the first generation, but the second generation as well! How selfish do these people have to be? Don’t they consider the financial impact on our collective wallets? Don’t they realize what their diseased love is costing society? Currently, there are no laws in this country preventing this and that must change. If we only knew the cost of second generation cancer patients in this country then I guarantee we would have already introduced a sterilization program for all genetically inherited diseases. Imagine how much money would be suddenly freed if our cowardly politicians decided to stick up for the hard-working middle class and instituted strict sterilization laws that prevented cancer patients from reproducing?

It’s time someone in this country grew a backbone and decided to stand up for what they believed in! We can’t let these selfish people hold our country hostage any longer.

— John Quick

(Serious non-satire update coming today or tomorrow, depending on how far I push this paper.)

One thought on “Am I John Quick?

  1. I always love satire. I remember last year for what I believe was Writing, but could have just as well been World History, we were assigned Jonathan Swift’s 1729 “A Modest Proposal” concerning overpopulation of Ireland by a destitute lower class. Everyone in class who didn’t pick up on the fact he wasn’t being entirely serious was mortified.

    What confuses me is that I can’t tell if this woman is honestly proposing government-enforced sterilization protocols or not, because the article is very well-written, and sometimes the best part of good satire is that you can’t tell when it’s being serious and when it’s just trying to grab your attention. There is no such thing as bad publicity! Case in point, Stephen Colbert’s appeal before Congress. However, reading the comments, she’s either really good at staying in character or she is, in fact, not taking the piss. In which case, what a fucking slippery slope.

Drop some knowledge

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s